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  • Andre Walker

LISTEN: Apple iPhones Can Be Cracked, Just Like Hillary's Email

This week I talk about the FBI's cracking of iPhones, Hillary Clinton's email server and the Louisiana Primary. This is part of the weekly Behind Enemy Lines radio broadcast, to listen to the whole show click here.


The script for the show is below (please check against delivery):

Hello and welcome my name’s Andre Walker and your weekly monologue starts right now… This was the week we discovered the FBI could crack your iphone. Apple are going mental. The Feds say they are doing it to stop terrorism. Well... I don't know whether that's a good or a bad thing but I do know the terrorists already feel like they've won the data war because of Hillary's Homebrew. Amazingly Hillary's Home Brew isn't a craft beer, quaffed by beardy, weirdy, sandal wearing Brits, who love a "nutty brew" or a "yeasty aftertaste". Noooooooo It's the name of the email server Hillary Clinton installed in her house. I'm no IT expert but I'm not convinced we should be entrusting the secrets of the worlds only remaining superpower to something a Clinton knocked up at home. Bearing in mind that the last thing a Clinton knocked up at home was Monica Lewinsky. If you loved phat data, you'd love Monica. But most of us don't love fat data, or fat interns. They just have too many chips. Fidel Castro attacked Barrack Obama this week for daring to visit his country, annoyingly it was in comment rather than physical violence. Come on Fidel you had so many chances to stick a big Cuban were the sun doesn't shine. Were has your revolutionary bravery gone. Even Cruz and Rubio would have approved of the visit if Air Force One had one back without Uncle Barry on board. Listen, listen, listen the truth about the visit to Cuba is that an evil faded socialist dictator was too much of a coward to do anything meaningful to stand up for his country. And the other guy at the meeting was Castro... Now changing the subject completely from crazed despots who have no grasp of democratic systems lets talk about Donald Trump. New York's blonde bombshell won the Louisiana Primary by 3.6% - that escribed him a pretty small margin - But not quite as small as margin as we saw on the painting of him doing the rounds. Ohhhh... Weenie.... Trumpy weenie... time to poke out my minds eye. But there is a serious point here Trump might get fewer delegates than Ted Cruz from Lousiana. That's because Trump and Cruz were so close they both got 18 delegates straight off, and there are rumours that Rubio's 10 might vote for Cruz in the second round of the convention. Guys, guys, guys, if you really cared about the land of the free and the home of the brave there would be no games at convention at all and you'd unite to beat Hillary. These wars make as much sense as the news today that a guy hijacked an Egypt Air flight in order to demand it rerouted to Cyprus so the hijacker could see his ex-wife. What was your problem, chum, I know international calling rates are a bummer but you cannot hold up a passenger plane to see the old trout who dumped you last years. It's just not cool. That was the monologue just enough time to award the Boston Patriots Award for fail of the month. It goes to British Prime Minister David Cameron who has propsoed a Sugar Tax. The last time the British government did that was in 1764 and it resoluted in the loss of the USA. It worked so well last time, London thought it was worth another go. Until next week good bye.

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