Andre Walker returns form holiday with his signature monologues laced with fact, wit and charm! Andre pauses to recognize the terror attack in Orlando, does his usual number on Hillary and connect the UK Brexit movement to a certain grassroots conservative movement state-side. Tune in!
The script is below (check against delivery):
Hello my name's Andre Walker and after a couple of weeks holiday your weekly monologue starts right now. We were all shocked and appalled by the terrorist atrocity committed at Pulse Nightclub in Orlando. This week's monologue is dedicated to the victims, their families, the American nation and everyone who loves Freedom. So far we know who did the shooting, Omar Mateen, but we seem unable to agree why he did it. Liberals claim he was merely a deluded homophobe, rather than an anti-American 7th century, sexually repressed, camel botherer and cowardly Islam-Fascist. I came up with that definition myself. Amazingly, despite Mateen, having said he was a follower of the Islamic State his dad Seddique claimed the attack had nothing to do with Islam. He even said his son wasn't a proper Muslim, and you know what his reason was for this claim. That little Omar didn't have a beard! Listen pal Ellen Burstyn doesn't have a beard either and she's a Muslim. Yeah I didn't know either, thank you wikipedia. Isn't Burstyn great in House of Cards playing Claire Underwood's mom. Apparently her character persuades the First Lady to get back together with the President in a cynical attempt for run for senate. Sorry is this even bothering to pretend to be fiction, or is it just an historical account with the names changed. It's like Primary Colors only without the increasingly ridiculous war paint John Travolta wears on camera. If Hillary wins the election Bill Clinton becomes First Lady. He'll be the most manly First Lady since Hillary Clinton. Hang on, does this mean the two ugliest First Ladies in history will have had sex? Regular sex, in the White House, all over the White House, it doesn't bear thinking about. Perhaps its time for Hillary to feel the bern again, this time its the Oval Office carpet burn she used to love. Of course Hillary and her chums are keen to curtail the second amendment in order to stop acts of terrorism. Piers Morgan took to twitter to say that almost all mass shooting in America were committed with assault weapons. Well of course they mass shooting are done with big guns, was that ever in dispute. 100% of baseball bat attacks and done with baseball bats. If that's the best analysis liberals can come up with we're in for a long long summer. That;s the monologue just time to announce last weeks poll results. Every pollster in the country asked the British people whether they wanted to leave the EU next week and the majority of them said YES! Vote Leave uses red as its colour. So I'd say that is an example of yet another RED NATION RISING. Until next week good bye!