LISTEN: Even The Best Socialists Run Out Of Other People's Money
Andre Walker returns with a new weekly monologue spanning the globe from Great Britain's exit from the EU picking up steam since Obama to Bernie Sanders running out of other people's money - to even a few um.... colorful jokes. You gotta listen to believe it, folks!
The script is below (check against delivery):
Hello and Welcome my name’s Andre Walker and your weekly monologue starts right now.
This was the week polls in Britain said Brits were more likely to leave the European Union because Barrack Obama asked them to stay.
That’s polls as in P-O-L-L-S polls not poles from Poland who have come in their hundreds of thousands to Britain thanks to EU migration rules.
We understand they all agree with Obama. They like Obama and they like the EU. But then again they also like Kaszanka which - for those unitiated - is pig's blood, pig offal (commonly liver, lungs, skin, and fat), and buckwheat (sometimes barley or rice) kasza stuffed in a pig intestine.
Wow those guys have taste.
That’s dodgier than Barrack Obama’s birth certificate, of Hillary Clinton’s computer networking skills.
Talking of the democrats we hear that Bernie Sanders had to sack a load of his campaign staff. Oh my god, nightmare. Sorry Bernie wouldn’t say that, let’s go with “on my atheist nightmare”.
But this laying off proves there is justice in the world, Bernie has proved once and for all that even the best socialists run out of other people’s money in the end.
Talking of laying, you know Bernie only ever lays on his back during sex, that’s because they only thing a democrat can do is screw up. Boom boom.
And anyway if socialism is so good why don’t anyone swim from Miami to Cuba to get away from capitalism. I asked that question on Twitter and one angry leftie sent me the following answer “because Americans are allowed to get on planes”.
It’s a fair point but lets be honest if Castro let Cubans get on planes there’d be no one left in the country. Although it might put the cost of contract cleaning down in New York, which is no bad thing.
It reminds me of the old joke, why does Mexico win no gold medals at the Olympics, because everyone who can run jump or swim is in America by now.
And talking of games, I hope everyone is going to be watching the Invictus Games from May 8th to May 12th in Orlando. The games are designed to help rehabilitate injured servicemen and women who fought in the Afghan conflict.
It was the brain child of Prince Harry and as part of the marketing campaign Obama sent a video about how America would ‘bring it’ at the games. Harry responded by sending him own video back in which the President is mocked by the Her Majesty The Queen.
The internet says the Queen OWNED Obama, now at this stage I could make a joke about Kenyan’s being owned by British Aristocrats but I’m just not brave enough to do it, so write the joke yourself.
All I can repeat is the clarion call of every British traditionalist, it’s time to make America Great BRITAIN again. As far as individually owning anyone I’m just too politically correct to make that gag.
Just time for last week’s quiz question, we asked what you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician. Most of you said Chelsea Clinton, except Webster from Little Rock who answered “We’re really not sure”.
Well done Webster your oral swab DNA paternity testing kit is in the post.